Μαθήματα ECDL Online

Say you’re hypothetically taking out an ad on the dating site and it reads like this:

Lonely, single, and desperate with issues, seeking any man that wouldn’t mind putting up with a no-back-bone-having hag. I’m in the midst of being buried knee-deep in a crisis of dog crap that stems from co-dependence on men, and a preoccupation with being left out of a life of happiness because I can’t be alone.

I enjoy cold, empty nights by myself, where I soak my pillow with tears, and contemplate seeing my favorite antique picture frame finally complete with the perfect wedding photograph of you and me.

Please, if you’re out there, respond ASAP, for I can’t stand being alone one more minute and I’ll do anything to fill this void in my life. Please, I need you. You’re the only one who can save me because I can’t save me from myself.

Signed,

The Big Needy Hag

How many bites you think this one will get? Funny that a lot of desperate hags would never publish something like this although this is exactly how they feel.

An ex-friend of mine (had to fire her because she was a hag from hell) was THE MOST DESPERATE woman I’d ever known. She was smart, educated, and had a great career, and would otherwise be a seemingly normal woman worthy and capable enough of having a relationship with a man.

She had set some pretty lofty goals for someone who hadn’t a clue as to how to handle herself around men. She always said how important it was for her to be married by the time she hit 30, and how it was never going to happen because men are pigs, jerks and a-holes. Pretty lousy cause and effect situation going on there and all the more convenient to blame other people for what is essentially her fault.

Not only had she not accepted the fact that there are going to be times in our lives that we’re going to have to be alone long enough to wait it out for the right man to come along, she kept going from man to man, haggin’ it up, doing the bar scene, getting loaded and getting used up, REPEATEDLY. Only this kind of behavior would indicate a woman’s sheer hatred for herself and the dire unhappiness in her situation.

Women who aren’t desperate don’t do stupid things to seek validation from men.

I’ve mentioned before how men can easily sense desperation like a sharp shooting pain post- kick in the gonads, and they can easily sense that some hags have a million and one baggage issues lined up from here to eternity. The men these hags are after already know they just can’t cope with having to face it all alone. What these hags don’t understand is, that’s exactly why they ARE alone. Men don’t want women who render themselves useless without male companionship.

Desperation is just like crapping your pants. You can sit there and stew in it hoping that no one will notice when you’re stinking up the place all around and letting it stain your rear end. You’re not fooling anyone when you’re desperate because everything you say and do reflects your neediness and your inability to be independent. Self-loathing, groveling and self-pity because you can’t find a man isn’t doing you any favors.

If you haven’t identified with being alone by discovering yourself and your own true identity because you haven’t given into your ability to truly survive without a man, you’ll never get that being with a man should never be central to your purpose in life.

Putting (would-be) relationships above your own needs is a huge mistake and men know you’re desperate because you have that affect about you that says something just isn’t right. Everyone around you knows it whether you say anything or not, all the while you hear desperate hags and their constant verbatim, “If only the right man would come along” or “What’s wrong with me? How come I don’t have a man?” or “I wouldn’t be so lonely if I had a man”.

When you can’t straighten yourself out enough to see that you’re standing in your own way, you’re never going to grasp the fact that a man isn’t going to be with you when you can’t stand up to your own neediness. Chances are, you’ve never been single long enough to know what it feels like to be comfortable in your own skin. And sometimes it takes a VERY LONG TIME to achieve that.

A truly content person will be happy being single OR being involved in a relationship and wouldn’t think twice about being in either situation. Yes, we all long for companionship with the right person but for a person who can fully identify with being on both sides, being single is as warm and cozy as you want make it. And if you choose to indulge in pity parties and singing songs of “woe is me”, you’re only holding yourself back from truly getting to know anyone, especially yourself.

Desperation is a recycled bundle of dog crap that only serves to make you turn a blind eye towards how good you can have it by taking care of you and putting your needs first. It’s cliche to keep the saying alive “you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself”. The sad thing about the cliche is, it’s true.

Desperate women, take note. This is how you’re ruining your chances:

• You aren’t growing enough as a person to outgrow your issues.

• You don’t have the guts to deal with your problems head on.

• You equate having a man with being more important than fixing your issues.

• You don’t know how to cope with life as a single person.

• Your desperation doesn’t allow you to be the person you really want to be.

• You’ll never get close to people when you push them away because of your neediness.

• You constantly criminalize and belittle men for crapping all over you.

• You’re completely comfortable with living a life that’s second rate, should a man come along and offer it.

• No man wants a woman who can’t be independent and YOU’RE NOT.

• You’ve decided to blame everyone for being alone.

• You don’t have any self-respect and what little you have, you’re willing to do away with if it means not having to spend another night alone.

Think about this with some real clarity and objectivity and start pointing the finger back in your own direction. We don’t let people in our lives when the doors remain shut and desperation leaves you closed off from the world because you have no love for yourself. When we’re desperate to have men in our lives, we’re desperate for substantiation from other people, when the only substantiation you need is your own.

Men aren’t drawn to insecurity and neediness. They are drawn to confident women who know their worth and know that they can make it on their own. Have the courage to stand alone and believe in the good that shall come from it and soon, you’ll find the right man eager to stand with you.